Broken
by BlackSwanGirl
Summary: It's all breaking. Don't tell me I'm imagining it. Don't tell me it's going to be okay. Something broke, that afternoon. Their playing a game and I don't know how to play. We're broken.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys...this fanfic is going to be very emotional, especially for me. I'm having some really hard time at school since a big transition is coming up for me...and some of my closest friends are drifting away and I think this might help me deal with it. I'm also making this fanfic to help anyone else who has this problem...stuff like this really helps me when I'm feeling particularly sad about it. Tell anyone you know who needs help** , **even if their not part of the KOTLC community.**

I guess we're just drifting.

I guess we could come back together.

I guess I want to come back together.

Maybe I don't.

I guess it's not just their fault.

I guess I have someone on my side.

I guess we're all just upset.

I guess it all built up.

I guess I should of seen it coming.

But I'm tired of guessing. I'm tired of the maybes and the I don't knows.

I want to know. I want something to stick for once.

But knowing too much is really bad. And it's this little topsy turvy balance that keeps changing and I can't keep track of it.

I can't keep track of their feelings and someone is always unhappy. I can only keep track of me and what I do and sometimes it's so frustrating because I just want it all to be perfect or at least organized in some way but it's not. It's absolute chaos and confusion and hurt and misunderstanding.

It's a whirlwind of emotions and none of it stays for too long. And nothing's official.

And you find moments where your blissfully happy, and it seems wrong to be happy, because you look over and you remember something awful is happening to you.

Growing up sucks.

Any of this sound familiar?

It does to me.

Let me tell you something: if you lose your friends, it seems like the experience will never end. It feels like it's going to slow or to fast and you feel so alone and it hurts. It hurts more than you thought it every would and you feel helpless. And there's so many other problems that keep popping up and you feel selfish and useless and just awful.

Yes, there will be crying. Lots of it.

Yes, there will be moments where you think your not worth it.

Yes, there will be times when you wonder how this is happening.

Yes, there will be things you consider doing. Awful things.

Yes, there will days when you miss childhood so badly; I mean really, really badly; and it seems like everyone else wants to do anything but go back to childhood.

But you will live. I promise.

My name is Marella, and this is my story...


	2. The Fight

Chapter 1: The Fight

 **Hi guys! I'm trying to update more frequently, and I am going to update this story often. Just so you know, the characters are normal humans in this book. No elves. And Sophie and her friends don't show up till the end. I though Marella deserved the spotlight...**

RR:

 **ProjectMoonlark101: A deep and moving story. Also, a long one. Thanks for reviewing!**

 **Guest: oh, you don't have to be sorry. But thanks for reviewing**!

 _Today's Friendship Quote: It's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad about it._

Hi. I'm Marella.

This is the story of how a ten year old (aka me), fell through the cracks of friendship and was hanging on for dear life, feeling like one of these days she was going to have to let go. But she got herself back up and made her life better again. I won't tell you how, just yet.

This story starts on March 13, on a Wednesday. One of the worst Wednesdays of my life, actually.

I guess the story could start anywhere. It could start the weekend before, at that terrible sleepover. Or the party before Christmas, where we screamed at each other about stolen candy and scared some of the little kids.

But I feel like this is he moment it really, truly, broke.

Here we go...

Me and my best friends, Dessie, Kim, Seren, and Kendra, had made a plan a couple weeks back to create cute Easter baskets to exchange each other this Friday, a couple weeks before Easter.

We had drawn names and I had gotten Kim. I was super excited about my basket, which I had just finished and was ready to exchange.

It had gotten a little stressful because it was supposed to be a secret, so you didn't know who everyone else was making a basket for. But word had gotten around and now Dessie was upset, mostly because this was the second exchange we had done, and the first one had been like this too.

But we made it through the frustration and we're talking excitedly about it during recess at school.

Kim and Kendra wouldn't stop talking about it, and Dessie was trying to speak and getting agitated. Dessie is sort of a chatterbox (and many other things), and I was surprised she hadn't burst yet.

I tuned myself into the useless conversation, which had now turned to some stupid YouTuber.

I, personally, do not watch youtube and am not into the whole "social media" thing. Neither is Dessie. Seren is trying to make her way in but failing right now.

Kim is a big social media person and basically has every site you can think of totally managed. Kendra isn't far behind.

Anyway, Dessie had given up trying to talk and was now walking away. I could tell she was upset and I had some feelings about the situation too, so I followed her.

We walked in silence around the playground and I waited for her to talk. I could tell she was waiting for the other girls to follow us and apologize but they never came.

I didn't look back as Dessie sighed.

We sat down on a bench and I looked at her.

"This is getting worse," she said.

"What is?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.

"This...I don't even know what to call it, Marella! It's just..."

"Ever since the sleepover, it seems like we have been more distant from Kendra and Kim." I offered.

"Yeah," she said weakly.

Dessie is my best friend out of our whole group. I've known her since third grade and we are super close.

"And Seren," she said, looking up at the sky. "She seems to kind of...switch, you know? She's so cool around Kim, and could be the total popular girl."

"But when it's just me and her, she's so nice and really different then when she's with them." I agreed. "And I feel like everything's changing."

Dessie shook her head sadly. "We've all been so over dramatic about everything."

I nodded. "The other day, I shoved Kim, and it was totally a playful shove, I swear. It didn't hurt her at all. It barely moved her. But she yelled at me. And I feel like that's the reason for all of our fights."

Dessie nodded. "Don't get me started on the sleepover..."

We spotted Kim, Seren, and Kendra walking up on the hill, no doubt talking about us. But not in a good way, I could tell.

We trudged up to them, and they turned away. We tried to talk, but they just left.

I yelled at them, suddenly angry. Seren glared at me and Kim yelled back.

I don't remember much after that. It felt numb. Shocking. Tears came to my eyes but never fell.

It was strange. Our group of friends fought often, about silly things that would be forgotten the next day. But we always fought. We alway wanted to yell and scream and share our opinions and take sides and get angry.

Never, ever, has our group given each other the cold shoulder or refused to talk. There's too much feelings piled up for silence.

That's when I knew something bad was happening.

I could almost feel the glass shattering in my heart as Seren said: "we don't always have to be together, you know."

It meant more than just a little space. That's the thing about our group of friends. We can't stand being without each other. It's just instinct.

Little did I know that instinct was going to do me no good in the next few days...


	3. Baskets

Chapter 3: Baskets

 **Here's your next chapter!**

RR:

BooksAreBetterThanTheMovies: thanks! I will try to update often.

RedP (guest): yeah, it was sad. Your doing a pretty good job typing, though!

ProjectMoonlark: oh, that's so sad! My group of friends is drifting, and it's really hard. I can understand. Does it get better?

Here's your chapter!

—

Stress was one thing I hated.

Like, really, really, really hated.

I am a definite worrier and I basically worry about everything, every. Little. Stupid. Thing. It sucks.

Anyway, I really hate stress, so the next few days were some of the worst in this whole Friendship ordeal.

The next day, I didn't want to go to school. I was afraid something awful would happen. So when I got a text that morning from Kim, I freaked out, wondering if I should read it.

Finally, I took a breath and looked at the text.

It read:

KimHurni : Hey, are we still on for Easter baskets 2morrow?

I stared at it. Finally, I replied:

Marellatheunicorn : ya. R we still fighting? What were we fighting about in the first place?

KimHurni : We were fighting because Dessie didn't get what she wanted and she stormed off and you took her side but we did nothing—

I stopped reading. I knew I would just get more upset if I read ever detail of Kim's overdramatic story that makes me and Dessie look like the bad guys.

Instead I replied:

Marellatheunicorn : well, I'm sry. Forgive me? Plssssss

KimHurni : ya :). See u at school

I sighed with relief. It was over. We were fine.

I walked to school with a little less weight on my shoulders, still trying to shake of the slight feeling of sickness in my stomach.

I got to school and greeted Kim, who was in my class. Dessie and Seren were I the class next to ours, and Kendra was down the hall.

The day went fine until lunch. We all sat together. I was a little nervous about how our next group talk would go, especially when I saw the grim look on Dessie's face.

"What is it, Des?" Seren asked.

She looked at us strangely. "You didn't get my text?"

Kendra piped up. "I did. You said you had something to tell us that was too much to say over text."

"Oh," I said. "Sorry, I didn't see that. Spill."

Dessie took a breath. "You know Easter is still weeks away, right?"

I sighed. I heard Kim's intake of breath.

"Dessie, we've been over this. We are not switching the date for the Easter Basket Exchange!" Kim said, frustrated.

Dessie looked at us seriously. "We have to."

"What?" I asked.

"I'm not finished with my basket," Dessie said. "We need more time."

"What?" Seren said. "But—"

"You said you were going to go shopping last night," I said nervously. "Everyone else is done."

Dessie looked frustrated. "My mom couldn't take me last night. I'm going shopping on Saturday."

Saturday.

Saturday.

No.

We had waited so long for this! This was our big plan! I had been so excited!

"What? No." Kim said. "Dessie, we're exchanging tomorrow."

"You could just wait." Dessie shot back. "We could do it next Thursday, the day before Spring Break starts—"

"No." I said. "I'm not waiting that long!"

"It's not too hard. Put it out of your mind."

"Thursday is too far away. Monday." I said.

Dessie shook her head.

I racked my brain. Who was Dessie's gift for? Kendra. Yes, Kendra.

"But Kendra won't get a gift!" Seren said as I opened my mouth to point this out.

"That's why we should wait." Dessie said.

"I'm not waiting." Kim said.

"Me neither." I said. "Kendra, how about you? It's your gift."

Kendra shrugged. "I don't mind waiting, but..."

I sighed.

"Dessie, I'm not going wait." Kim said angrily. "We had a due date. You were supposed to finish it!"

"I didn't have time!" Dessie said.

"Look, Dessie—"

Our class started to leave the lunchroom. I stood up and dragged Kim out before she could say anything else.

We spoke in low voices about what we should do all the way back to the classroom. Kim was mostly ranting angrily. I was trying to find a solution.

I couldn't decide. Could I wait? I didn't want to. But then Dessie wouldn't have a basket.

I couldn't concentrate. My teacher noticed. She looked concerned as I asked to go to the bathroom.

I rushed out of the classroom. I needed a quiet place to clear my head. I slammed the bathroom door shut and slid down to the floor.

Deep breaths.

Common sense. Common sense says we can wait. It's just a basket. Yeah, it's just a basket. Kim can see that.

I went back to class and left her a note:

It's just a basket. I can wait. Can you?

She scribbled back and dropped it on my desk.

I said:

She had a deadline. She missed it. I'm not waiting.

I sighed and crumpled up the note. She sent me a new one:

We need a plan. To convince her to bring something. She must have something.

I wrote back:

Really?

Kim: yeah. Let's tell her we are all bringing our baskets whether or not she is or not.

Marella: what will that do?

Kim: it will convince her she has to bring something. She has no choice.

Marella: I don't know. She might just get mad.

Kim: it'll work. But we can't give up.

Marella: fine. But she's just gonna get mad.

We managed to tell Seren the plan.

At recess, Dessie had a quick bathroom break before coming out.

"Remember the plan," Kim said. "Stick to the plan—"

"What plan?" Asked Dessie, standing behind us.

"Nothing." Kim said.

"Seriously? You guys have some secret plan without me?"

"No!" Seren said desperately.

"Yeah, you do."

"Okay, fine." I said. Kim gave me a look.

"Our plan was...to all bring our baskets tomorrow." I quickly said. Kim smiled. "We're going to do whether you like it or not."

I winced at my own words. Her face went grim.

"Well, then...we'll try as hard as we can to get a basket ready." She said.

I grinned and nodded.

We started discussing plans as Kendra came outside. After school, I told my mom what was happening. Me and mom tell each other everything.

She thought it was good, but she reminded me not to get carried away.

"Your friendship does not rely on a basket," she said.


	4. Drama

RR:

 **Glittery-Icecream: Yeah. My mom actually said that.**

I woke up to about four million texts, all with the same kind of plot line:

KimHurni : Bring your basket tomorrow.

DessieBear : no. Thursday.

Seren: No. If we have to wait, Monday.

It went on like that for a while.

The day was filled with stress and anger piling up in my stomach.

I wanted to wait until Monday. I didn't want to, exactly, but it would be more reasonable.

We yelled about it at lunch, and by then I knew everyone had brought their basket except Dessie.

I didn't want to do this anymore.

I didn't understand why Dessie and Kim were being so stubborn. Seren, Kendra, and I didn't care. But it seemed Kim would rather die than do it on Monday, and Dessie want about to let us do it without her.

We tried every solution we could think of.

"How about you give your basket to Kendra on Monday?"

"What if we all took something from our baskets and gave it to Kendra?"

"Why can't we just wait?"

It went on and on, but every suggestion was denied. My teacher was very concerned as me and Kim whispered from across the room, and I found myself staring in space. My paper was blank all through Literacy and Science.

Finally, recess came. It was drizzling outside. I didn't bring my basket out, and Dessie looked excited when she saw us empty handed.

"Are we doing it on Monday?" She said, beaming.

"No," Kim said firmly. I shook my head nervously. Dessie's face fell.

All through recess, we argued. We were getting nowhere, especially as Kendra and Seren took sides. I wanted to scream "stay out of it!" But I didn't.

As for me, I stayed on the sidelines. Mostly. Sometimes. Okay, it was still a yelling fest of great proportions and I didn't want anyone to leave without hearing my opinion. But nothing helped.

We asked my teacher. But her opinion had no impact on us. Dessie gave up. She walked away, and by that time I didn't give a crap when we gave away some baskets. I could see the hurt look on Dessie's face and I shot one last yell at Kim before running after her.

We tried to talk to her. But she just ignored us. They called us back inside as it really started to rain and by then Kim was sobbing and I could feel my own eyes burning with tears.

We left the classroom, and I could hear Kim gossiping about it to some other girls. I just hid my tearstained face until I got home.


End file.
